He Lives!!!

Christ lives!  It's a simple statement.  It's a fact.  It's my testimony.

Three days after Jesus Christ was crucified he was resurrected.  I love that Mary Magdalene was the first person to talk with Christ and see him after the resurrection.  Mary and the other women had gone to Jesus' tomb to finish taking care of his body.  When they got there, they found the tomb empty.  Angels were there and told the women that Christ was risen.  Mary sat weeping by the tomb.  She turned around and saw Jesus, but didn't recognize him.  "15 Jesus saith unto her, Woman, why weepest thou? She supposing him to be the gardener, saith unto him, Sir, if thou have borne him hence, tell me where thou has laid him, and I will take him away.  16 Jesus saith unto her, Mary. She turned herself, and saith unto him, Rabboni; which is to say, Master."  (John 20:15-16)  This scripture speaks volumes to me.  First of all, women were not trusted in those days, but Jesus doesn't care what other people thinks, so he trusts Mary to be the first to see him.  The second thing I love about this scripture is the fact that Jesus is there comforting Mary, even though she doesn't realize it.  So often I find myself being upset and feeling like I'm all alone, but Christ is always there for me.  I just sometimes fail to recognize him.  Lastly, Christ called Mary by name.  This is another reminder to me that when I am going through a rough patch, that Christ will be there and call me by name and comfort me.

Christ is risen!  He lives!  He knows and loves each and every person on this earth, but more importantly(for me), he knows me.  He knows my struggles, my thoughts, and my feelings.  He loves me.  Though he died on the cross on Calvary, he was resurrected.  Just like Christ was resurrected, so can we be.  I know that my redeemer lives.  Don't just take my word for it, watch the Mormon Message "He Lives" and take the prophet's and apostles' testimonies.

Christ's Infinite Atonement

This past week I have been thinking about Christ's atonement a lot!  It seems like everything has been revolving around it in my life.  A week ago yesterday, I taught a combined relief society and elders quorum lesson on the life of Christ and the impact that knowing about it should have on our lives.  The lesson went well, but what was even more important to me was the knowledge and greater testimony I had gained from learning about the Atonement.  This past week in my new testament class we have been working through the atoning sacrifice in our scriptures and lessons.  Through these experiences I wanted to share the four truths that have been shown to me.

1. Christ did not want to go through the Atonement
 Often times I think that since Christ volunteered to be the Savior that he wasn't afraid or worried about the atonement.  It feels like he was ok with it.  What I learned anew this week is the fact that Christ did not want to go through the pains of the atonement.  He didn't want to suffer.  He wanted to do what the Father would have him do.  Knowing this makes the scripture Mark 14:36 that much more powerful because it shows that Christ put his father's will above all else.  He truly was willing to die for us even though it wasn't something that he was excited to go through.

2. I can always do better at using the atonement in my life
 This week has been an extremely hard week for me.  A dear friend of mine was really struggling with their testimony and was hurting, but didn't want the Savior to take away their suffering.  I realized that I am like that a lot.  I forget to turn to my Lord when I'm having a hard time and let him take and heal me.  Christ died for me.  He paid for all of my stresses, pains, sorrows, worries, hurts, and sins.  He can make me whole.  I just need to constantly be turning to him for help and strength and allow the atonement to cleanse me.  Making the atonement a bigger part of my everyday life also helps me to remember that the atonement was done for me.  Even if I were the only person alive, Christ still would have atoned for me.  Jesus Christ loves me and is my Savior and Redeemer!

3. I am of infinite worth
 This was a simple thing that my new testament teacher said, but he said that I am of infinite worth.  This is why the atonement had to be infinite.  The reason I have infinite worth is because of my potential.  I am of infinite worth because of my capacity to one day become a god.  I have the potential to create worlds and because of that I am of infinite worth.  How wonderful is that?

4. The Sacrament truly does give me access to Christ's atonement
The last thing that I wanted to share as truths that I learned is another simple thing from my new testament class.  It is the fact that each week I get to take the sacrament, I am making Christ a bigger part of my life because I am taking the emblem of his body (the bread) and of his blood (the water) and putting it in my body.  This then becomes a part of me.  I literally am becoming more like Jesus.  This also reminded me that I need to be better at thinking of Christ during the sacrament and not just going through the motions.

Now, to end this blog post I want to put the lyrics of two of my favorite hymns.


I Stand All Amazed hymn # 193
1. I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,
Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.
I tremble to know that for me he was crucified
That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died
(Chorus)
Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me
Enough to die for me,
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!
2. I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,
That he should extend his great love unto such as I,
Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify.
3. I think of his hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt!
Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?
No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat,
Until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet.


I Know that my Redeemer Lives hymn # 136
1. I know that my Redeemer lives.

What comfort this sweet sentence gives!

He lives, he lives, who once was dead.

He lives, my ever-living Head.

He lives to bless me with his love.

He lives to plead for me above.

He lives my hungry soul to feed.

He lives to bless in time of need.

2.  He lives to grant me rich supply.

He lives to guide me with his eye.

He lives to comfort me when faint.

He lives to hear my soul's complaint.

He lives to silence all my fears.

He lives to wipe away my tears.

He lives to calm my troubled heart.

He lives all blessings to impart.

3.  He lives, my kind, wise heav'nly Friend.

He lives and loves me to the end.

He lives, and while he lives, I'll sing.

He lives, my Prophet, Priest, and King.

He lives and grants me daily breath.

He lives, and I shall conquer death.

He lives my mansion to prepare.

He lives to bring me safely there.

4.  He lives! All glory to his name!

He lives, my Savior, still the same.

Oh, sweet the joy this sentence gives:

"I know that my Redeemer lives!"

He lives! All glory to his name!

He lives, my Savior, still the same.

Oh, sweet the joy this sentence gives:

"I know that my Redeemer lives!"

 Also, if you want to read more about the Savior's atonement I highly recommend this talk Elder McKonkie's talk The Purifying Power of Gethsemane  The Savior lives.  He loves us and is always there for us!  Don't doubt that his atonement was for you and for me.  The atonement can make you whole if you will just let it!

Taking ourselves out of the slums

This week in my new testament class, we had a lesson that really impacted me.  In it our teacher Brother Griffin talked to us about the Savior cleaning the feet of the twelve apostles during the passover feast.  In John 13:8 it says "Peter saith unto him, Thou shalt never wash my feet. Jesus answered him, If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me."  Christ had to wash the feet of the disciples, the very dirtiest part of them.  He wasn't taking the disciples out of the world or going to stop them from traveling and getting dirty, but he would clean their feet so that they would want to be clean again.  Brother Griffin said that Christ takes the slums out of the people and then they take themselves out of the slums.

This really hit me.  Christ won't remove temptation from me.  He won't make it so that I don't get dirty, but he will clean me from my past temptations and then I will be more motivated to stay away from temptation in the future.  This kind of reminded me of how it goes when I clean my room.  If I just showered I hate having my room be dirty because I feel like it will make me dirty.  I then decide to clean my room so that how I feel and the place that I am in, will be the same - clean.  We can even go a step further.  When my room is clean I try to keep it clean as long as possible.  I avoid letting things sneak in or get messy.  If we relate this to our lives.  If we go partake of the sacrament each week, we become clean.  We are still in the world(room), which is messy, but we can clean up the area we are living in.  We can become more righteous and stay in the right path.  We will be in the world, but not of the world.  We will be removing ourselves from the slums because the slums have been taken out of us.

To Each Accord to His Several Ability

In Matthew 25:14-30 Jesus gives the parable of the talents. In verse 15 it says that he gave to each "According to his several ability"  To me, this scripture means that they were given as much as they could handle and put to use.  It also tells me that each person is an individual and that the Lord knows what he is doing when he gives us assignments or callings and gives is to us according to our abilities.  Since they also use the words talents for what the servants were given in the parable, this made me think of different talents I have been blessed with.

I have been given a talent with music.  I love to play the piano and sing.  If I am going to be a good and faithful servant to my Lord, I will use this gift and talent to bless the lives of people around me.  I can do this by singing or playing in church or by sharing my talents with others.

One thing that we talked about this parable was the fact that the servant who only got one talent was afraid to displease his Master, so he hid it in the ground.  This was the wrong decision because it was made out of fear rather than looking at what his Lord would have him do.  My teacher told the class that if we base decisions out of fear, we will not be making the correct decision.  Fear causes us to shrink and not act.  We need to act in the name of the Lord and not react out of fear of Him.  This reminded me of another scripture in John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."  When we are doing the Lord's work he will give us peace not fear.  We can all move forward in faith and share with people our talents.

Look up, God is there!

This week has been an extremely hard week for me.  I have been trying to figure out how to put my feelings and thoughts into words.  Everything has been a jumble in my brain.  Since that is how I still feel, I will try and put together a coherent blog post, but if it's jumbled, I apologize in advance!

For those that don't know, this last week there was a typhoon, Category 5, in the Philippines.  This typhoon destroyed so much.  The wind and the water was everywhere.  When I heard about it for the first time was when my Uncle posted about my cousin who is serving in the Philippines.  He said that all the missionaries were moved to secure places and that they were all accounted for.  Well, Saturday came and I went home to visit my family.  My mom pulled me aside and told me that my best friend Jess was in the mission that was hit the hardest in the typhoon and was unaccounted for.  This news sunk into my heart like a lead weight.  Jess has been a part of my life since I was born.  She was my first best friend.  She is like a sister to me.

Saturday night I heard of the numbers of the dead in Jess's mission.  The numbers were sickening.  I felt like I was constantly praying for her safety, but in my heart I wasn't sure that she was alive.  This was not a lack of faith, this was me recognizing that Jess was serving the Lord and was in His hands.  His will might be that she not survive the storm.  Well, Sunday afternoon came and her family got word that Jess was alive.  She had survived the storm and was "being taken care of".  I have never been so relieved!

Monday the posts about Jess started rolling in....  "Jess is alive and being taken good care of.  She is recovering, but has been through a traumatic experience that will take a while to heal from...." etc...   This was not the most comforting things to hear.  On Tuesday I begged my mom to tell me what had happened and for her to send me the email so that I could be a better support for Jess and not be left wondering what had actually happened.  That night I read the email.  I couldn't stop crying.  My heart went out to my best friend that I could do nothing for.  After reading her story, I realized that there is something I can do with this knowledge.  I can share the testimony that it has given me and the things I have learned.

Jess and some of the other sister missionaries receiving help in Manilla

When Jess and the other missionaries found out about the storm, they hunkered down in an apartment to wait it out.  They were on the second floor because they thought it was the safest place to be.  As the winds picked up speed and the strength of the storm was upon them, they realized that this was going to be intense.  The water started to rise, and the sister missionaries and my best friend remembered that there were bars on the windows, if the water kept rising they wouldn't be able to get out.  They tried to get to the front door, but it was underwater.  Jess resigned herself to die.  She felt utterly and completely alone.  She prayed to Heavenly Father that he would watch over and protect her, but realized that it might be her time to go.  Miraculously, one of the missionaries was able to kick out a skylight.  The missionaries all piled through onto the roof.  The water was still rising and they realized that they could be swept off the roof, and some of the missionaries couldn't swim.  Everything was dark and the storm was still raging.  These sisters prayed for the water to stop and another miracle occurred, the water stopped rising.  The sister missionaries experienced many more blessings and miracles on their road back to safety, but I want to stop here and explain the testimony that I gained because of it.  If you want to know more, here is a news article about what my friend Jess and the other sister missionaries went through. http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865590735/Surviving-the-typhoon-A-story-of-fear-faith-and-what-it-means-to-be-prepared.html?pg=all

Jess and the other sister missionaries laughing between interviews.  It makes me happy to see her smiling!

Jess's story is one of faith and the working of miracles.  When all seemed lost and there was no escape from the storm or the awful fate of drowning, theses sister prayed to God to show them the way out.  There was no way to go sideways or down, they had to go UP.  So often in life we are all tossed about by storms that we can't escape.  Everything that we do to move out of the storm (going sideways out the window) may be blocked for one reason or another.  We are barred from those escapes for our own protection.  God knows the way out and he will watch over us.  We need to look up and God will be there providing a way to weather our storms.  This was such a testimony builder for me.  I hope that as all of you go through the storms of your life, that you'll remember to look up because God is there providing an escape.

In God's Image

In Matthew 22:17 Christ was asked the ultimate question by the Pharisees, "Is it lawful to give tribute unto Caesar, or not?"  Jesus had the perfect answer to this question.  He had the Pharisees show him the tribute money and asked who's image was on it.  They answered and said that it was Caesar's.  Christ then responded and told them to give unto Caesar's that which is his, and unto God, that which is God's.  In my new testament class my teacher said that Christ could have been pointing to the Pharisees when he told them to give to God that which is His.

I love the thought that Christ would be pointing to the Pharisees because we are all made in God's image.  This made me wonder though, how can I more fully give myself to God?  I don't think I can answer this completely because giving myself MORE FULLY is a constant process.  It requires each day deciding and choosing to live my life in the way that my Heavenly Father and Savior would have me live.  Now the trick is learning how to know what the Lord would have me do each day.

Something I have been learning about this lately is that prayer is the key.  When I have meaningful prayers each morning and night and also little prayers in my heart each day, I can feel the Savior's guidance in my life.  Someone mentioned, in a Sunday lesson, that even though we are not on formal missions right now, each of us can use the guidance from the Holy Ghost in every decision we make.  I love this thought because it shows that the Lord is there for us no matter what.  He wants to guide and direct our paths whether we are on a full time mission, or serving in our wards at home.

Another thing that allows me to give myself more fully to God is by reading my scriptures and following their guidance.  Whenever I read the scriptures I know that I am doing something that the Lord would have me do because it helps me align my will with the Lord's even more.

I am made in God's image.  I am his and I will do my best to render unto God what is his, which is my heart and will.  The nice thing is that it is a constant journey.  Each day I can become better and better.

Journaling

So, I want to rant a little about journaling.  First off, keeping a journal is a wonderful thing!  I love being able to write things down that have happened in my life and keep those memories safe.  I like being able to go back and read my journal and have it help me in my life or to be able to see how much I've changed.  It's also nice to know that my posterity will be able to read what I went through and what I thought about.  Those are all great things about journaling.

The problems I have found with keeping a journal is that unless you are on top of writing things down, when you catch up on the things you want to remember, the thoughts are tainted by the knowledge that you have gained since the experience.  This happened to me recently.  I was catching up in my journal, writing the things that had happened recently, but I didn't finish getting to the best parts.  Well, low and behold, later that night something happened that changed my feelings and thoughts.  Now I will never get to catch those exact things down in my journal.

This is really a small problem that could easily be fixed by being good and writing every night, but that is hard.  I guess that I will just have to keep pushing on and doing my best to catch my emotions and feelings before things change.

Another cool thing I wanted to share is the fact that I am almost finished with a journal I started at the beginning of this year!  I haven't finished a journal in years.  It is amazing how nice it is to read it and know that important events from my life will be remembered.  Am I a key figure in the history of tomorrow?  Probably not, but my children will care what I went through and will value the things that I wrote down.  Something else that I think is cool is the fact that through keeping a better journal, it has made me want to go and find my ancestors journals so that I can learn about them and get to know them.  I feel like this is a fulfillment of the prophecy of turning the hearts of the children to their fathers.  It's amazing to feel that in my life!

Jesus Wept

One of the most powerful things I have learned this year is the power of love.  This point was kind of hit home when I had a New Testament lesson on John 11:35, which says "Jesus Wept."  This is one of the most powerful verses in the scriptures.  This verse comes in when Jesus was beckoned by the crying Mary and Martha to see where they had laid their dead brother Lazarus.  Christ knew that in a few moments Lazarus would be raised from the dead and that Mary and Martha would be crying for joy instead of sorrow, but he was willing to "mourn with those that mourn".  He loves Mary and Martha and hated to see them so upset.  He was going to take away their sorrow, but first he wept with them because of the great love that he had for them!

Isn't that amazing?  That same love that Christ has for Mary and Martha, he has for you and me! He understands that sometimes we need to cry and feel the emotion, but we are never alone in those feelings of pain or sorrow.  Christ is always there crying with us.

Another point that was made during this lesson, was the fact that to love someone is to be vulnerable.  I hadn't really thought about it in that way, but it is so true!  So often we are afraid to open our hearts to possibilities because it opens us up to be hurt.  This is a valid excuse, but at the same time, opening ourselves up allows us to truly love others and be loved in return.  When I am scared of being hurt by loving someone too much, I remember that if I get hurt, the savior will be there to help me through it and ease the pain. 

Jesus has wept for us and has felt our pain.  This short verse gives so much peace!  I know that my Savior loves me and is willing to comfort me when I stand in need of comfort, and mourn with me when I mourn.  Jesus has wept for me and loves me forever!

"Go, and sin no more."

I was reading John 8 this last week, which has the story of the woman who was caught in adultery and brought before Jesus.  This is a story of Christ's mercy.  It has always been one of my favorite stories in the Bible because I can relate to it so well.

The story starts off with Jesus teaching in the temple during the feast of tabernacles, when the scribes and Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery.  She was thrown at Christ's feet and the scribes told Christ that she had been caught in the very act of adultery, and asked whether thy should stone her, as the law of Moses says,  or not.  Jesus was very calm and composed as he says to them: "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." Everyone starts to quietly leave until Jesus and the woman are alone together.   Jesus lovingly asked her: "Woman, where are those thine accusers? Hath no man condemned thee?"(vs. 10) she answers and says that no one is condemning her anymore.  Christ then responds with what I find to be the most important part of the story. He says: "Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more." (vs. 11)

This is such a powerful story of Christ's redemption and love for the people around him.  I can easily see myself in this story.  I have often felt caught in a sin, with people pointing fingers at me, saying that I have done something wrong.  This story reminds me of the power of the atonement in my life.  Especially the last thing the Savior says: "Neither do I condemn thee: go and sin no more."  Christ doesn't condemn me, even though he has every right to be upset with me for messing up. He has taken my sins upon himself and all he asks is that I forsake my sins.  When we are caught in a trap of sin, the atonement can claim us and make us clean again.  We need to "go, and sin no more."  I love this testimony of mercy and the atonement and love of Christ.  This is a bright ray of hope in my life.  I hope that these thoughts can help you see the love that the Savior and Redeemer has for you as well.  He will not condemn us, he will help us move forward and sin no more.

Will you be my neighbor?

So, last week I was reading in Luke 10 where a lawyer is trying to get Christ to mess up and say the wrong thing by asking Christ, "who is my neighbor?" It is at that point that Jesus tells the lawyer the parable of the good Samaritan.  In this story a man is walking from Jerusalem to Jericho and fell in with thieves and was stripped of his clothing and money and then beaten.  Three people walk past the man: a priest, a Levite, and a Samaritan.  The priest and the Levite should have been the ones to stop and help, but they walk past on the opposite side.  Only the Samaritan stops and helps the man. He binds up the man's wounds and puts clothes on him and takes him to an inn.  After telling this story, Jesus asked the lawyer who he thought was the man's neighbor.  He said that it was the one who had showed mercy.  This ties in very nicely with another scripture that you read in the New Testament. Matthew 14. This is where Jesus just found out that his cousin and friend, John the Baptist had been killed.  Christ wanted to be alone, but a multitude had followed Christ and were asking to be healed.  Jesus was moved with compassion for the multitude, even though Christ was in more pain.  He turned around and healed those whose needs were less than his own.  Christ gave the perfect example of how we need to be an example and have mercy and compassion on those around us.  Everyone is our neighbor, but we don't always treat them as such.  Reading and learning about these stories make me want to be a better person.  To serve those around me, even when I may be in more pain or tougher circumstances, I can help lift others.  It also reminds me of the hymn "Lord I would Follow Thee" where it says "In the quiet heart is hidden, sorrow that the eye can't see."  Every single person is struggling with something.  If we would all follow the Savior's example and serve even when we are going through a rough time, we will be able to bless those around us, and be blessed in return.  That's the kind of society I want to live in.  Those are the kind of neighbors I want, ones who will selflessly serve and allow me to serve them in return.  Will you be my neighbor?

"Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole"

In my New Testament class last week, we learned more about some of the miracles that Christ performed during his ministry.  My favorite one that we discussed is found in the KJV Bible in Mark 5:24-34.  My favorite of these verses is 34 where Christ says "Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague."  I love that Christ calls the woman daughter.  It is very endearing.  The whole story is that Jesus was on his way to heal Jairus' daughter when Jesus walked through a throng of people and a woman who had an issue of blood for 12 years had touched his garment, saying, "If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole." (Mark 5:28).  Her faith was complete.  She didn't doubt, but believed that Christ had the power to make her whole.  It is inspiring to hear of this kind of faith.  Another cool thing was how our teacher explained this.  He said that the women had an "issue of blood", but we all have issues.  He explained that the woman had tried all sorts of ways to fix her issue, but the world's way never worked. As soon as she tried it the Lord's way, she was healed.  This is very true in my own life.  When I have issues come up in my own life, if I try to fix it the world's way, things tend to stay the same or get worse.  When I rely completely on the Lord, he never fails me.  The trick is having complete faith in the Savior to make us whole.  So often I find myself, knowing that the Lord or even just the patterns that he has set up can heal me, but I'm so stubborn that I try to do things my own way, but it never works out.  Jesus Christ is willing to save us, heal us, and make us whole, as long as we are willing to reach out to him and believe that he can.  He loves us and will not be upset when we ask for this help.  I like to imagine Christ responding to me in the same way that he did to this woman, "Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole."

Swept Off

Dating.  I have been thinking about this quite a bit.  Partly because I am taking a break from dating and partly because it's something that I think about a lot.  Haha!  I have come to the conclusion that dating is hard because there are lots of amazing guys out there, but not a ton of the them sweep you off your feet.

Let me explain.....  In fairy tales we always hear about how the princess or girl is doing something, when "prince charming" comes into the picture and they fall madly in love.  The key part is the they.  The feeling is mutual.  One person isn't madly in love while the other is only mildly interested.  On the other hand, we constantly have people telling us that the fairy tales are completely false and that dating is hard it takes a bunch of work and that nothing will happen unless you make it and allow it to happen.   I think both of these ideas are kind of faulty.  Falling in love requires that both parties are open to the possibilities, and ready to work to make the relationship happen.  Where I disagree with the second thought is it that you will never find someone who sweeps you off your feet.

Lets face it.  We have all been around people who we are completely attracted to.  They are cute, kind, driven, and have a light about them.  The problem is usually that they don't like us.  Then there are the people who you think are great, but for one reason or another you don't get twitter patted when you are around.  You enjoy their company and like spending time with them, but the complete attraction isn't there.  It is usually these people that end up really liking you.  Occasionally, the one that you are super attracted to, feels the same way about you.  In my opinion, this is the perfect and best way to start a relationship.  People have often told me that in waiting for this to happen before I start exclusively dating them, is ridiculous.  "It's like waiting for a fairy tale." they tell me.

Maybe it is a little idealistic to want this for a first real relationship, but if you don't get excited to get the persons text, there is no good reason for you to be dating that person.  If they can't make you smile, just by thinking about them, they aren't the one.  If that is crazy, I'm ok with being crazy because I don't want to give my heart away to someone when I'm not wanting to be around them constantly when they first start asking me out.  I want to be swept off my feet and I will wait and look for that.  It may take a while because all of the guys I like don't like me, but it will totally be worth the wait in the end.  At least that's my opinion.  we'll see how it works out for me.

General Conference Miracle

Me, my roommate, Joe, and Danny boy before General Conference.

General Conference was this weekend.  It was fantastic!  To be able to go home and be with family and hear what the Lord wants me to hear.  This was especially touching when during the Saturday afternoon session of conference, Elder Holland got up to speak and answered my prayers.  I had been praying about specific family members and friends who have mental illnesses and how I can help them, or for a talk that would bless their lives.  Elder Holland delivered.  What his talk meant for me, is that Christ's atonement truly is eternal in scope and breadth.  One day all of my loved ones who have struggled for so long will become whole through Christ's atonement.  This also reminded me of something that we had talked about in my New Testament class at BYU.  We were talking about the miracles that Christ performed during his ministry and how these miracles point to the atonement, which is the ultimate miracle.  We had talked about specific examples such as the leper who comes to Christ and says, "Lord, if thou wilt, thou canst make me clean." (Matthew 8:1) We talked about how submissive this man was to say, "if though wilt".  He was willing to accept whatever the Lord told him.  He also showed great faith as he stated, "thou canst make me clean."  It wasn't a question.  He knew what the Savior could do.  Through Christ's atonement we are all made clean and whole.  This leper gives us a way to ask the Lord though.  We need to submit ourselves to the Lord's will.  We sometimes want immediate results, but that isn't always the way that things are supposed to happen. This is also shown in Elder Holland's talk, when he said that some of the mental illness that is on this earth will not be taken away until this life is over.  We may not feel like that is fair, but as long as we are willing to trust in the Lord's timing, we will be able to gain the strength we need through Christ's atonement to make it through each day.  We also need to have faith that the Lord can do what we are asking.  It is pointless to ask for something if you don't think there is a chance that you can receive it.  If we truly believe and ask God and do something about it, we have the opportunity for miracles to happen in our lives.  When we ask, it allows God to bless us.  Miracles are still happening.  I had one this weekend.  I hope that I can work each day to have more faith and to align my will closer to the Lord's.  I am so grateful for the prophets and apostles that we have today, who receive revelation and act upon promptings.  I can't wait to read Elder Holland's talk again so that I can apply even more of what he said.  What a wonderful weekend it was!

Faith over Fear: "Cast Not Away Therefore, Your Confidence"

Tuesday was a crazy day!  I started my "Tune in to the Lord" October.  It started off great!  I made it the entire day without using Facebook, though I was sorely tempted, and listened to a talk by Elder Holland instead of music while I got ready.  The talk was one that he had given at a BYU devotional in 1999.  It is called "Cast Not Away Therefore, Your Confidence".  Elder Holland discusses how after we have spiritual experiences, Satan will come and try to shake our faith and our confidence in the experience.  He shared examples of Moses seeing God and a vision of the whole earth, right after that Satan came and tempted Moses to worship him instead.  So often we have revelation or spiritual feelings and then we have trials and temptations come right after.  As Elder Holland said, "Don't let your guard down".  We can't let this fallen world and what is going on here shake the faith that we have.  When we start to fear and tremble, faith leaves.

This principle was reiterated to me later on Tuesday evening.  My roommate has been struggling with things in her life.  She has bipolar and hasn't been able to keep a job that can actually pay her bills.  A couple months ago she finally got a full time job, where she would be able to start saving some of her earnings.  Yesterday, she put in her two weeks notice because ever since she got the job, she has been extremely stressed about how she will get to and from work.  While talking with her it was evident that she was afraid that she is a burden on everyone and that the only course of action was to quit. She also explained to me that she doesn't believe that God and Christ can take away the pain that she feels.  She isn't happy and nothing is going to change that, according to her.  She said that every time something good comes into her life, or a "blessing", right afterwards a trial comes or something overshadows the good thing.  Her explanation of this seemed to be exactly what Elder Holland had been talking about in his devotional.  I wanted to explain to her that she was probably head on about all of the problems that come up right after a blessing comes into her life.  We live in a fallen world.  We will have good things and bad things happen to us, what we need to decide is whether or not we will trust God or not.  One thing I know is that when I let my hard times get me down and don't trust God to help me through the rough patch, it lasts longer and is harder to get through.  Elder Holland hit it on the head.  We need to cling to our confidence in Christ and Heavenly Father.  When we have faith that Our father and brother are looking out for us and will help us get through this life, fear cannot be there.  Just like where there is light, darkness can't be.   Faith triumphs over fear.  We need to trust and not cast away our confidence in our maker and our Savior.  They are both here to help us and bless our lives.

My last thought on this is, even if the problem and struggle you are going through seems never ending, remember that Christ knows exactly how you feel!  He has been through everything that you are going through.  Also, when I am going through a tough time, I try to remember the scripture Doctrine and Covenants 122:7.  In this verse it says, "know thou, my son (or daughter), that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good."  Trials strengthen us if we let them.  They allow us to learn to lean on our redeemer, Christ, even more. And to realize that we can't do anything without His help.

Oh, and here is the link for the talk that Elder Holland gave.  Cast Not Away Therefore, Your Confidence and here is a link to D&C 122:7

Tuning in to the Lord

During high school I was able to attend seminary.  One day, my seminary teacher passed out wristbands with the words "tune in to the LORD"  written on it.  As this was given to me the teacher explained that he was extending a challenge to us, for two weeks to tune in to the Lord.  He wanted us to listen to only uplifting music, text when we had to but not just for fun, and to not use Facebook.  At first I thought, "there is no way I will be able to do that!  My life revolves around social media and music."  Then I decided I should at least give it a try.  The results were amazing!  I was so much more focused on school, my friends, and the spiritual aspects of my life.  I noticed that I had the spirit with me a lot more.

Lately I've been thinking about this experience a lot.  My life has been extremely stressful lately.  With dating, my calling as Relief Society President, two jobs, and school, I haven't had time to really improve myself or do exceptional work in anything.  So, I decided that for the month of October I will not date, use Facebook, or listen to music that doesn't bring the spirit.  I will wear the wristband that I got in seminary to remind me of my goals, and blog and journal about my experiences.

Already, I have become a little lonely and sad at the thought of not being able to go on dates, but I really think that through this experience I will get to know myself better and know more of what I want and need in a guy.  I will also be able to more fully dedicate myself to my calling and serving the sisters in my ward.

Getting rid of Facebook for a month will also let me use my time wiser.  I won't be constantly distracted by what I should post, who likes my pictures, and who I could chat with.  I will get my homework done faster and then have time to relax and improve myself in other areas of my life.

Listening only to music that uplifts me and invites the spirit will help me pay better attention to when the Lord is speaking to me.  I won't be so caught up in all of the messages that the music is sending me, and will instead be getting the messages that Heavenly Father has been trying to get through.

Another great thing about doing this experiment in October means that during my first week of trying to do this, I will get to listen to the Prophets and hear the word of God and then move forward with following their counsel more fully.

Well, here goes nothing!!!  I will keep you all posted on how everything goes and the changes that happen over this crazy month.

Dating...... and it's many ups and downs

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Annie who went to college.  Upon moving out of home and starting her own life, she also entered the world of dating that counts.  As her parents put it, she had finally become an eligible receiver down field.  In plain terms, she was no dating to find an eternal companion.  At first she thought that it wouldn't be that hard to transition.  I mean, she was still only 18.  No returned missionary would look twice at her because she was too young!  How wrong she was.
       Shortly after embarking on this journey she found that RM's don't really care that much about age.  Even if they have only been dating for a few weeks, these fearless RM's will bring up the big M word.  Marriage.  (Now, I know what you're thinking.  "Mawidge. Mawidge is what brings us together today."  Haha!  I couldn't resist putting in a Princess Bride quote.)   Needless to say, that doesn't really fly with an 18 year-old.  Annie was smarter than that.  She dodged a bullet and moved on.
      Slowly, Annie found out that not all of the boys she went on dates with are the same way.  But a lot of them are.  After doing a lot of thinking, Annie thought that she had it figured out, why all these men were so anxious to "put a ring on it".  Missionary Presidents are urging the missionaries, right before they go home, to make marriage a priority.  Even in Annie's stake conference they said to "Keep the end goal of temple marriage in your mind on every date."  This puts a lot of pressure on everyone concerned with dating.  They feel the need to obey their leaders and not put marriage off.
       Annie came to the conclusion that, these are good motives, but they are also risky.  Since young people are told to remember why they go on dates and to actively search for their eternal companion, people are rushing into things.  At BYU there is an unspoken rule, first date you pretty much always say yes too.  Second date you must really like the person.  Third date it is ok to hold hands, cuddle, and possibly kiss because you are basically "dating" by that point.  So, obviously dates are risky/tricky things.  You can't really know someone by the third date, but there is so much pressure and significance attached to it, that you have to make very quick judgements about who you are interested in.
       Another problem with this, that Annie found, was that not only does dating progress super fast, but "hanging out" is highly discouraged.  So, if you can't hang out without disobeying the prophet's counsel, but you go on three dates and you are "dating", how are you supposed to really get to know people before you are actually in a relationship with them?
       After much thought, Annie decided that we need to allow people more time to get to know each other.  Stop rushing the physical.  There is no harm in waiting until the 5th or 6th date to hold hands or to say that you are "dating".  Hang out a little before hand and get to know the person as a friend before you pursue a dating relationship with them.  No girl will be offended if you take time and get to be her friend before pulling a move.  When guys move super fast with the physical part of the relationship, the girl winds up feeling used.  Girls need to stop allowing themselves to be cheap.  It is alright to wait on letting the boy kiss you.  If you are not ready for a relationship, don't become physical.
        Now, having thought and said all of this, Annie realized that she might be taken the wrong way.  She is in no way suggesting that young people do not make marriage a priority, or that they shouldn't date.  She just wishes that people would date in a better way.  Such as 1.) become friends, get to know if you get along and can have fun together. 2.)  go on lots of dates just seeing the person in different circumstances and spending time one-on-one. 3.) hold off on the physical until you are sure that you are ready to date that person exclusively.  If everyone did these things, there would be a lot less confusion and heartache during the dating process.
     Even though Annie has figured this out, no one else seems to be on the same page as her.  Eventually she will find her prince charming and live happily ever after, but for now she is trying to patiently endure the life of a single girl at college and the dating scene, where she is an eligible receiver down field.

The End.

Change

Here I stand on the precipice of change.  I used to be scared of all of the changes that were coming.  Being abandoned by my friends, starting fresh with new people, new classes and the such.  Now, at this moment I'm chomping at the bit for change to come!  Come Tuesday night and I will be finished with my first year of college.  It feels like just yesterday I was starting, wishing that I could go back to high school where I had friends and felt comfortable.  Now I'm ready for my new adventures.  Part of this is the fact that my worrying over if I should go on a mission or not is finally over.
         On Sunday, Arpil 14, during church I was called into my Bishop's office.  I assumed that it was for ecclesiastical endorsement.  I also thought "this will be a great opportunity to talk with him about a mission!" I walked into his office and we chatted for a minute.  I brought up my thoughts and feelings on a mission, Bishop reassured me that I would know when it was the right time to go on a mission.  After that he said, "The reason I wanted to talk with you was to extend to you a calling."  I was floored.  I really didn't see that coming.  As he was telling me about it, I realized that this was my answer about a mission.
          After church I went to a "Listen and Learn" with my stake relief society presidency.  In this meeting one of the speakers related our callings to a mission.  She started to read the standard missionary call letter.  For me it would have read "Dear Sister Annie, you have been called to serve as a Relief Society President.  You will serve in a YSA ward in Provo.  You have been found as one worthy to serve in this calling......" and so on.  This really was my answer.  I'm called on a mission in my own ward to serve the women and minister to them.  I feel unequal to this calling.  I'm the youngest girl in my ward.  There are lots of girls that could do so much better than I can, but this is where the Lord needs me right now.
          This will be a big change for me.  I will have to stop going to so many farewells or going home for the weekend.  Even though that will be hard, I'm ready for it!  I have two finals left before this semester is over.  That means making new friends and starting new classes.  I have also found that I'm changing on the inside.  I don't really care about the same things that I used to care about.  I'm more focused on what will really impact me.  I've also found that I have not been as outgoing as I used to be.  I'm SO ready to change that.  I want to make changes that will make me a better person and will help others around me!  So, here it goes.  I'll take one step at a time to make sure that the changes going on around me and in me are good.

Lessons from Choral Music

Alright, so yesterday it was a rainy Monday.  I love the rain when I can sit inside, wrapped in a blanket and listen to the rain, but I'm not really a fan of it when I have to trudge through it up to school.  Add this to the fact that I had tons of homework, didn't get enough sleep the night before and feeling extremely sick, made me not the happiest person and kind of put me in a bad mood.  It was with this feeling of darkness that I went into my choir class.  I had already skipped my first two classes because I just couldn't handle it and needed to do some homework, but wound up falling asleep.  Choir was the first class I walked into, and at first I couldn't sing and didn't really want to.  All I could think about was going back to my apartment and sleeping some more, when I decided to change my attitude about it.  I was going to think of what the songs actually mean and how I can convey their message to the audience I will be performing for in a week.  When my attitude changed, an amazing thing happened.  I was able to feel the meaning of the words of the songs and have them change me.  The one that really hit me was a song called O Taste and See.  In this song it says "O taste and see how gracious the Lord is.  Blessed are they who put their trust in Him."  This means that, when I trust the Lord and his plan for me, I will be blessed.  Later on in the song it says, "So let us love each other well, as God loved us when he gave, the perfect love, His son, our Lord, that all our souls might be saved."  In the ten commandments we are told to love our neighbors.  What struck me in this song, is that it is a prayer to God for Charity, because that is the pure love of Christ.  I want to have this, to love the people I'm around as God would have me love them.  Sometimes I feel like I am very good at loving my friends and family, but there are times and certain people that I can easily mock or make fun of, but this isn't what God would want me to do.  To have the pure love of Christ and to love our neighbors, I must love everyone.  This started to change my attitude for the rest of the day.  I started to smile more.  Just this little thing made a big difference. 
         This change reminded me of the songs that I have sung before that have changed me.  One is from the choir I am in currently, In Humility which we sang in a Devotional at BYU.  A couple other songs were Come Thou Fount, which I was able to sing in the Tabernacle on Temple Square, and Lord Make Me and Instrument of Thy Peace.  I urge you to listen to these.  In Lord Make me an Instrument of thy peace, it has a part where it is listing all of the things that we are each striving to do.  Towards the end it says "For it is in giving that we receive.  For it is by faith that we believe. For in forgiving, we are forgiven.  It is in dying that we are born to eternal life."  Every time I sing these words, I feel the Holy Ghost touch my heart.  We are told to forgive all men, and as we follow this, we are promised that when we repent and go to Christ to ask forgiveness, He will give it to us.  This is an amazing promise!  These songs have inspired me to become an instrument in the hands of God and to help others "taste and see how gracious the Lord is".

My Reasons for Blogging.

        Ever just had a bunch of things that you're thinking about, that you just need to express in a place where people will actually hear what you are saying?  Well, that is how I've been feeling lately.  So much in my life has changed recently.  All of my closest friends have left on LDS missions, or have their calls  and are waiting to leave.  They are all going around spreading the Gospel and inviting people to learn more about our church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.) and sharing their testimonies all over the world.  This has left me a little lonely.  I'm one of five out of twenty-eight friends who aren't going to serve missions (as of right now that is....).  This blog will be a place for me to share the things that I have learned and my thoughts on different subjects, or just things that I feel like saying. 
          To start off, General conference, where our prophets and apostles speak and teach us, was this weekend.  Afterwards I felt like jumping for joy right up onto the band wagon of missionary work, though I knew I still had a lot of praying, soul searching, and studying to do before that would even be a possibility.  But my desire to share what I know was so strong, I knew I had to do something about it.  The talk that really motivated me to join the thousands of people doing missionary work was given by Elder Russel M. Nelson.  His talk was titled "Catch the Wave".  Here is a short video to give you an idea of what his talk was like.... http://www.lds.org/prophets-and-apostles/unto-all-the-world/catch-the-wave?lang=eng  If you want to hear the whole talk, go to this link:  Elder Russel M. Nelson's talk
           There were other talks though, that let me know that I can share my testimony through other ways, while I figure out if a full time mission is in the cards for me or not.  That again, is one of my reasons for this blog.  As I grow in knowledge and understanding, I want to share it with anyone who is willing to listen.  I'm not the best writer.  My words never seem to come out right, but I will do my best to convey my thoughts in a way that is interesting and exciting to read and explore. 
           I hope you all stay for a while and listen to me.  Thanks for your time!
~Annie